JENNIFER LIPPMAN

My friend is even food crazier than I am.  I met her at a Mommy and Me class while I was discussing fish sticks with some other moms.  You see, fish sticks at my daughter’s school are not the baked, whole-wheat breaded, mercury-free fish sticks we eat at home.  So I pack a lunch for Daniella on fish stick Wednesdays, but she comes home with the telltale fried Wonder bread mercury crumbs all over her face. 

My new friend joined the conversation by telling me about the only 2 pre-schools in the neighborhood that provide organic, health-conscious meals and snacks for the students.

She corrected me when I discussed my beloved plain, multi-grain pretzels at Trader Joes. 

“The plain ones are NOT multi-grain.  It’s only the honey wheat ones that are multi-grain.  The plain ones are just pretzels – flour, yeast, brown sugar and salt.” 

A little embarrassed in front of my peers, I calmly replied that I really didn’t think so.  She assured me she was right, and somehow I knew immediately that she was.

She continued rattling off information about every item for sale at Trader Joes:  Veggie chips are no healthier than potato chips.  They’re deep friend veggies.  Just like potato chips are deep fried veggies.  I knew that – but I liked hearing someone else say it and sound like the obsessive one. 

Banana chips, much like potato chips, are also deep fried – but, get this –- they use coconut oil – resulting in a chip that provides ZERO vitamins and 48 percent of your daily recommended saturated fat.  The other mommies squirmed uncomfortably. I stared at her, smitten.

Oh, and a Trader Joe’s orchid has 12 calories per bloom.  Seriously.

She went on to share every trick she uses to shove hidden vegetables into her kid’s food.  No one asked – but she kept sharing.

At snack time, I took the cinnamon bun off of Daniella’s plate.  She took the yogurt, the cheese, the hard-boiled egg and the raisins off of her son’s (1 ½) and daughter’s (3). Hardcore. Crazy.  She scared me.  I loved her.

We became friends.  We could talk healthy food.  I got to taste all of her concoctions, and she had a pool and two starving kids for my kid to swim with!   If Daniella is ever hungry at her house, I slip her some crackers.  If my friend sees, I say something about blood sugar.

It’s fun to have a friend who knows more than you about a subject you care about.  I spout out every possible nugget of information I’ve ever heard or read or seen with authority and some I make up just for the sake of adding something to the mix.  She always argues back and is usually right.  She’s googled a few of my fibs and I simply say I can’t remember who told me but it was someone who knew their stuff. 

She’s smart and funny and the daughter of two nut-job vegans.  Think about it – she’s actually made great strides toward normalcy.  Her kids eat meat.  Organic, hormone free, nitrate free, antibiotic free, grass fed, same species sheltered meat.  But meat.

I’ve enriched her life as well.  Her husband loves everything about her except her food stuff.  It’s one of the few things they fought about – constantly – until I came into their lives.

She introduced me:

“This is Jen”

He smiled and put out his right hand to shake.

“She’s even crazier about food than me!  She makes me look like a junk food junkie!”

He used his right hand to wipe a bead of sweat off his brow.

It’s not true.  I’m far less crazy than she is about food.  At my food craziest, I’m 50% less crazy. 

I was about to scream in protest: My kid had In and Out with fries twice this week!  Today she had a Popsicle and frozen yogurt and a Rice Krispie treat!  Yesterday she had no greens and no bath!

But then I looked at the joy in my friend’s eyes and I simply smiled and nodded. 

They hardly fight anymore.  Whenever he gets annoyed with her food stuff she tells him about something I’ve said or done, and he realizes just how lucky he is.  

He never ever looks me in the eye – and he barely says hello.  I’m fine with it.  Let them have happiness at my expense.  So he doesn’t like me.  Who cares? 

Unless she drops me as a friend because he thinks I’m such a terrible influence on her.