CORKAGE

Certain people possess certain skills when it comes to ordering in restaurants.  My brother always orders the best thing on the menu, just by instinct.  His wife always orders the wrong thing, and wishes she'd ordered what my brother ordered.  My approach is to research in advance whenever possible, then, at the restaurant, I ask questions, converse, debate, and usually end up pretty darn close to the bullseye. 

All that is introduction to the fact that my wife and I just spent the long 4th of July weekend with my brother-in-law, Matthew, and his wife, Irene.  Matthew exhibited a very bizarre and wonderful talent over the weekend, a talent that had not previously been on my radar as a talent, so it took me till the end of the weekend to grasp consciously that he'd been exhibiting this talent all along: the superb ordering of beverages. 

Exhibit A:  At M Cafe de Chaya (my go-to joint right now) Matthew orders a nectarine smoothie with a banana added.  This was not on the menu per se -- they have a "nectarine smoothie" and a "strawberry banana smoothie" listed up on the menu board.  Matthew sensed that adding a banana to the nectarine smoothie would be the right move.  We all ooh'ed and ah'ed over his smoothie throughout the entire meal.  The banana did not dominate, but somehow it cut the intensity of the incredible, wonderfully sweet nectarine in the perfect way. We discussed the Mel Brooks sketch where his 2000 year old man states unequivocally that the nectarine is the best of God's fruits ("I'd rather have a rotten nectarine than a fine plum.")

Exhibit B:  Brent's deli in Northridge.  Brent's deli is phenomenal, and while my wife and I have been there before, Matthew has not.  I do some quick Chowhound searches and discover that favorite items on the menu include the whitefish salad, the cod, and the black pastrami rueben.   We order all three to share everything.  I look over at Matthew, before our food arrives, and see him sipping some beverage I did not hear him order.  "You wanna try my egg cream, Mike?  It's really good.  Really chocolately."  I try it.  It's really good and really chocolatey, just like Matthew said it was.  And I know my egg creams, because my dad was obsessed with them when I was a kid.  Not only was this egg cream really good and really chocolatey ... it was correct.  You can taste the simplicity of the drink, the strict limit to the three ingredients: milk, chocolate syrup (a good amount) and seltzer.  What a pleasure to drink a nice egg cream in a Jewish deli before the food comes.

Exhibit C:  At The Alcove in Los Feliz -- a place I love and recommended for nice outdoor seating and quality, casual food -- Matthew orders the sangria.  What?  I've never noticed anyone drinking sangria here, nor have I noticed it on the menu.  It was the perfect beverage on this warm summer night.  And a great order.

Exhibit D:  Over pizza from Joe Peeps (great sausage pizza) Matthew orders a mango Snapple. (!?) Ummm, hmmm, I'm drinking his whole drink.  It's frickin' good. 

Exhibit E:  At La Cabana in Venice, with good chips and salsa, Matthew orders the mango margarita.  We all follow suit.  As we enjoy our margaritas, we reflect (for the first time consciously) on Matthew's astonishing weekend record of beverage ordering.  "Yeah, yeah, I know how to order beverages" Matthew chortles.  I review his weekend beverages aloud and everyone is properly impressed.  "I'm blogging about this", I say, "I'll title the post ..."   Matthew interrupts to offer -- "Beverage the Conqueror".  We guffaw.  With some nice tequila in our systems, the title seemed like absolute comedic genius.