JENNIFER LIPPMAN

Are you hungry?  Do you want more?  Are you ready for a snack?  Are you ready for lunch?  Are you ready for dinner?  Do you want another piece?

How often do you ask it in a day?

I find myself asking it a lot.

She finishes her bowl of Cheerios in the morning.  Are you done?  Do you want more?  No.  Soon after.  Are you hungry?  No.  Are you sure?  No answer.  Are you sure?  No.  No, you’re not sure or no, you don’t want a snack?  No answer.  Daniella?  I don’t want a snack, Mommy.  Okay, but I have cheese and crackers if you want them.

This may sound excessive.  Count yours and talk to me after.

One day we were busy playing and I forgot to ask.   At one point she said to me, “I want a snack.”  Oh my goodness – I forgot to ask.  I’m starving my child.

Revelation.  If I don’t ask, will she tell me?  Is she capable of knowing when she’s hungry?  Are we at that point in her development?

I experimented.  It worked. 

It is still my job to feed her.  But not to push food.  To provide food.   Not too much.  From each of the food groups.  Breakfast.  Snack.  Lunch.  Snack.  Dinner.  And go from there.  Of course every child is different, but I am no longer a food pusher.  Most of the time, anyway.

Sometimes she’s playing and doesn’t want to eat dinner.  Too bad.  It’s dinner time.  She has to sit at the table.  She doesn’t have to eat the meal I put in front of her, but she has to sit long enough to try.  I don’t push.  I do insist she eat two bites of each thing.  If she takes a bite of one thing, she must have a bite of everything else.   I’m the strictest with vegetables.  I say it as casually as possible – if possible.  And then I push.  But only a few pushes.  And then I’m done.

Once I was in conversation with my mom at the table.  I saw from the corner of my eye Daniella was eating all three dishes on her plate, broccoli included.  And not just two bites, three or four.  Five if she really liked it.  I was proud and amazed.  She put down her fork and said.  “I’m all done”.  I smiled.

My mom said, “Are you still hungry?   You didn’t finish your macaroni.  Have more macaroni.  There’s more turkey dog if you want it.  Should I get you more?  I’ll get you more.”

I took a deep breath.  I can’t control all food pushers.